It’s not often that we look at an American concept and think ‘hey, what a cracking idea, let’s do that’. Admittedly they may force themselves upon us with the sheer colossal weight of their various marketing budget, but when it comes to the nice little ideas that make a difference (and we’re not talking iPod Shuffle or Burger King’s six pack of mini burgers here), generally that’s left to the British to think them up. Clapping players off and forming a tunnel? That’ll be British. Buying a drink for an opponent after kicking lumps out of them for 80 minutes? That’s ours too. Silence when an opponent kicks? Definitely British.
But, there is one thing that could help with the whole matchday experience that the Yanks definitely did first – or at least made common place (we’re not the best of historians here just in case someone’s already reaching for the record books). Even, according to our sources, South Africans have picked up, so we know it works on the rugby arena. It’s the use of vendors. You know, the guys who walk around in all those American shows throwing peanuts and hot dogs at the crowd and never really appearing to take any money. Now obviously we’d be far more civilised.
We’re not going to be seeing vendors lobbing boiling hot apple pies at people like some kind of molten apple-filled pastry grenade. But wouldn’t it make life easier. Again, we’re all for healthier lifestyles and all, but the rugby match on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday (depending on club and country) is a time for nestling into your coloured plastic seat and enjoying 80 beautiful minutes of the finest professional rugby money has to offer (in some cases at least). Short of inventing some kind of mass commode, we’re always going to have to leave our seat once. Although a mass commode would be handy although admittedly disgusting at the same time. I mean, imagine the mess and noise made during the final moments of the 2003 World Cup final. But I digress.
The point is, leaving your seat in order to queue is a serious waste of rugby time. Even if you go at half-time, the odds are you’re either missing a few minutes of the first-half or the start of the second-half. And for what, while food is significantly better these days, we’re only really after something to fill a hole.
Apologies to any pioneering club currently doing this. And we’re talking the walking vendor bit rather than the mass commode. Although if you are doing the mass commode thing, fair play, we salute you.
Again, I know the whole throwing and catching element of the process could be tricky, but we are fans of a sport in which throwing and catching is a key element – for most sides anyhow. Vendors with a sweet right foot, could delicately chip a product to a punter. I know we are all about five-a-day and healthy living, but save that for after the match eh?
So how about it? A mass rollout of walking vendors selling pasties, pies and anything else that vaguely resembles an edible snack, thus avoiding missing vital moments of our beloved clubs. We’ve seen the guys with the beer backpacks (how cool?) and we’ve seen the promo girls with the T-shirt rocket launchers (pork pie by express delivery anyone?), so let’s get people down the aisles in a totally non marital sense. Unless, of course, you’re going out with someone way out of your league, in which case – crack on, marry them before they wake up/sober up/realise you’re poor/the drug wears off…
Just a thought.
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