Ahead of Bath's Challenge Cup final against Worcester, prop David Flatman wasted some of his life talking to us...
Which cartoon character/superhero would you most like to be?
I'd most like to be a Jedi knight. Ok it's not a cartoon character but the Jedi mind trick of being able to convince anyone to think or believe anything is too good to resist for me!
Childhood crush?
Sadly I had a poster of Gloria Estefan on my wall for about three years as a boy. As for why, I think her threat that the rhythm was gonna get me was enough to hold me in her grasp for far too long. The sprinter, Merlene Ottey, snapped me out of it eventually...
How many profiteroles can you eat in one sitting?
I had thirteen at Matt Steven's celebrity party last week. I ran home afterwards obviously.
Which team-mate would you least like to fight?
Alex Crockett. He bites in fights. I've seen him.
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
I would go back to the match where I got my first major injury and take more
care. Cue the violins.
One day left to live, what do you do?
Try and watch everything on my Sky plus planner. And learn Bangladeshi.
Which team-mate is most akin to a footballer?
Daniel Browne is close. He is without question the most image-obsessed man
I've ever met. All hair wax and no body hair. However, he is also very big
so might not qualify as a football wannabe which leaves me with Olly
Barkley. He has his own ceramic hair straighteners.
Favourite tour tale?
Difficult to answer due to the Tour Code: What goes on your stays on tour...
I'll give you a clue, after the South Africa your in 2000 Danny Grewcock,
Julian White and I were known as the Jo'burg Three. I can't give too many
details but it did involve an angry South African being paid off by men in
blazers. All good fun. But it was NOT us that crashed the golf buggy after
the second test (ask Mike Tindall about that one).
Worst/best prank you've ever seen?
We once 'met' a teammate on an internet chat room. He was so excited about
this date he had with this gorgeous bird (we took a picture from a modelling
website) that he even popped home for a shower. He walked into the pub to
find us waiting with cameras. He's still single and that was in 1999.
Player you'd least like to room with and why?
Danny Grewcock. Personal hygiene not a major focus.
Most memorable team-talk?
Jon Dawson, the former Saracens, Harlequins and Bath tight-head was captain
of our divisional side once. A very shy man, team talks were something he
dreaded. Once, before a big match we all huddled up and looked to Daws for
some words of inspiration. All we're got was "ok boys, get your poos and
wees out the way then let's go". Genius.
Who thinks he's the best player at your club?
Matt Stevens. By a stretch. Problem being, he probably is.
What's your worst fear?
Being scared of something.
How much was your first ever wage packet?
It was huge. £500 before tax at Saracens. I read once that I was the lowest
paid English international since the game went pro. And they say we had it
easy.
Funniest thing your coach has ever done/said?
Mark Bakewell is a very different individual. He once turned up to a dinner
out in town with the management in a tight t-shirt and bandana. It wasn't a
joke and he's 57. And his wife carries a picture of him in his twenties in
her purse so he always feels under pressure to work out. Poor old man.
Aside from your own, who's got the fittest missus?
Peter Short's wife is a model so she wins. Don't tell him I said that though
as he is the world's biggest human.